Deep thoughts....

Ever have so much quiet time to yourself that you end up getting super introspective and "getting deep" with yourself? That happened to me the other day at work...several of my co-workers were off for various reasons and it was a slow day at the nursery, not many people around to talk to so I was basically alone with my thoughts. What set it off was that one particular co-worker whom I'm close with, said something a day or two prior, suggesting she might not be around come next spring, and it rattled me a bit because she's a super awesome person to be around. We talk plants, swap plants, help each other with work, and support/encourage one another when the chips are down. I was a bit taken aback by the intensity of my reaction to the possibility she might be leaving before spring; my mind decided to explore that, and I realized that too much of my day to day happiness has been resting on things that are transient, temporary....whether it be relationships, events, things, hobbies, etc. Having had several hours of undistracted quiet, I sat with these thoughts and came to see that I've been lacking a "deeper well" of joy that's rooted in something that can't be taken away and won't just up and disappear when life goes sideways. And I'm not exactly sure what that looks like...it used to be faith, before I became utterly disillusioned with the very un-Christ-like behavior and attitudes from a large segment of Christianity.

Addendum, 11/18:

My mother in law suffered a massive stroke this morning, was rushed to the hospital, and the prognosis is that she's not going to make it, the stroke was too severe and in an area of the brain that would've been too difficult to treat. She's going to be taken off the ventilator tomorrow. Everyone's in shock...she was perfectly healthy just a day before, no sign of anything amiss with her health. There was no time to prepare for this. Don't feel like elaborating too much...it's been an emotionally draining day. More later.